In Honor of the Greatest Band in History

--Review by The Professional Ass Kicker @ 12/04/03 22:11 PST.

Hey everybody, it's your old pal Uncle Ass Kick. I heard from the Riposte-meister that the Music section is dying on us. So I decided that I'd try to spark some new life into it.

This is my first time dealing with this section and I thought I'd get right into it by talking about the greatest band in the history of, like, forever. Obviously, I'm talking about Wham! That exclamation point is part of the title, but I guarantee you that the excitement is one hundred percent real.

Wham! won the award for the best musicians ever in 2003 beating out such legendary bands as AH HA and B2K. I have heard people argue, on occasion, that Mozart was the greatest musician ever. But if Mozart was so great, then how come he's dead?

George Michael and his fellow Whamster (I think his name is like Billy or Pedro or something) they were innovators, ground-breakers. They took Pop music to soaring new heights. Every song they made was better than the next. Songs like “wake me up before you go go.” I felt, sometimes, as though that song was written about me. Sometimes I feel like I just need to dance and I don't like going solo.

Wham! has inspired so many groups that have followed in their foot steps. Groups such as Color Me Bad, O-Town and Blues Traveler. The list goes on and on. Listening to these bands' music, it's impossible to not recognize the influence.

The only downside that I can see to this band is that they didn't really ever kick anyone's ass. They did stab plenty of ass though... with their meat popsicles. Not exactly the same but hey, whatever makes you happy right?

Well, if you're listening out there George Michael and.... other...guy, I salute you. And I know that I speak for all the staff of Limitless Units when I say that peeing on your feet in the shower is a good way to prevent athlete’s foot.