Movie Review of the Week

--Review by Riposte101 @ 11/13/03 21:18 PST.

The Matrix Revolutions: Garbage the Sequel

As Ben Affleck would describe Chasing Amy, this movie is a classic case of the Wachowski brothersí "heads being too large and their vision too small." After I saw the first Matrix, I made a vow then and there that for every sequel that came after would be money already spent. After having watched the last pair of sequels, I very much so regret that hasty pledge. No series has risen to such dizzying heights only to plummet to such dismal lows.

I know nothing I can say will dissuade you from dropping ten dollars into the Wachowski brotherís pockets, but that is not going to stop me from running my yap.

Going to the movie, my expectations, as can be expected, were not high after sitting through the two hours of mud people dancing to bad techno music and the image of Keanuís bare ass forever imprinted on my mind thanks to a 60-foot screen that was the last Matrix sequel. Still one can hope and it was with this misplaced hope that I clung to as I paid for my student discounted movie ticket. I knew someday college would come in handy and in only 50 years time college will pay for itself by way of discounted movie tickets.

I wore a cringing pained look on my face so much throughout the flick that my face hurt.

The pointless first half of the movie opens with Neo lost in a subway station, a metaphor for "limbo." We do not know why and we soon lose interest. Neo, with Trinityís help, eventually manages to escape the subway station limbo, but are unable to escape the limbo that is the rest of this movie.

Keanuís masterful performance in this movie recalls his glory days as a Shakespearean actor in Much Ado About Nothing. About the only thing that the Wachowski brotherís do correctly is to take a note from Keanuís stint in that movie and like that film he is not given many lines. Hereís an excerpt from that movie that perfectly describes Keanuís thespian range, "I thank you: I am not a man of many words, but I thank you."

Keanu leads a cast of stilted actors who merely go through the paces. Long and embarrassing, Trinityís parting scene was so bad as to be insulting.

The fundamental problem is that the filmís focus is on Zion. As you could have probably guessed by my mud people reference, I could care less about these underground dirty ravers.

If you are going to blatantly steal from Cyberpunk and Shadowrun might as well go all the way. The retarded clumsy open-faced metal armor was ghetto. Shouldnít these children of the matrix be working in a virtual space, remotely controlling automated guns?

Still waiting explanation is how Neo is able to manifest his power over the machines in the real world. The film throws around that he is the "one" bullshit as an end all to all questions. I saw the One and that was Jet Li not Keanu Reeves.

The audience was blank faced and emotionless as they made their separate ways to the exit and who could blame them? I mean seriously, they are trying to pass Keanu off as Jesus Christ, Dune Messiah and King Arthur all rolled up into one? Shadowrun, Cyberpunk and Hong Kong actioners are one thing, but this is ridiculous. Once and future king my ass. I seem to have gone off on a tangent, but if you sat through this movie you are used to that by now.

To the movieís credit two scenes did stand out. The gunfight that took place in the Merovingianís checkroom was mildly amusing and the superman fight at the end was also.

The soundtrack was adequate, but most remarkable of all, did not feature a Rage Against the Machine creditís track.

Well this movie was better than Keanuís ass I guess, just not by much.

Film Grade Formula

+1* Yuen Woo-ping
+1* Trinity finally dying
+1* Superman/Merovingian checkroom fight
-1/2* Acting
-1/2* Screenplay
-1/2* Mud people
-1/2* Keanu in his portrayal of Jesus
-1/2* Trinity before dying

Final Score: 1/2* out of a scale of ****

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