Film & TV
Arts and Crafts
--Posted by The Professional Ass Kicker @ 12/02/03 18:44 PST.
Hey all you ass clowns out there. We got something special for you. Welcome to arts and crafts. Now sit down and shut up! It's time to turn your disturbing habit of torturing small animals into something useful. Put on your thinking caps and get ready.
When the Clock Strikes Page Seven
--Posted by The Professional Ass Kicker @ 11/30/03 20:39 PST.
Page Seven of my adaptation of Tannith Lee's Cinderella story is ready. Click here to read the story from its beginning.
When the Clock Strikes Page Six
--Posted by The Professional Ass Kicker @ 10/14/03 17:51 PST.
Page 6 of The Professional Ass Kicker's comic adaptation of Tannith Lee's Cinderella story is up. Click here to read the story from its beginning.
When the Clock Strikes Page 5
--Posted by The Professional Ass Kicker @ 9/27/03 09:23 PST.
Page 5 of LU's exclusive twisted version of Cinderella is ready for viewing.
--Posted by The Professional Ass Kicker @ 9/14/03 16:15 PST.
Here is a teaser for an upcoming project.
When the Clock Strikes Page 4
--Posted by The Professional Ass Kicker @ 9/11/03 22:30 PST.
Hey there everybody out there in ass-kicking land. This is Mike Barnett, the guy who's drawing the Clock Strikes story. If you see page four, you'll probably understand why it took so long for me to finish. And if you don't like the coloring job, you can kiss my ass. I don't have a lot of time to spend coloring so I do the best that I can with the time that I have. I didn't even want to color it, that cali-luv guy didn't want to do it either, not my girlfriend, or that human paperweight Nova. So... enjoy.
When the Clock Strikes
--Posted by The Professional Ass Kicker @ 9/9/03 18:15 PST.
There's a new cover page to When the Clock Strikes.
--Posted by The Professional Ass Kicker @ 9/04/03 16:25 PST.
Hey everybody! I've been getting a lot of questions recently asking me what kicking ass has to do with art. Well I'm gonna let you know.
Not too many people know that Ass kicking is considered to be an art form. It falls under the category of Performing Arts. The University of Iowa now offers a degree in Kicking Ass. A student with a major in Ass Kicking might move on to be something like a bouncer, a boxer, a professional wrestler or even a street fighter.
You see, ass kicking is more than just an Olympic sport. Whether the kicking is fake as in the movies or boxing or completely serious as it is in professional wrestling it is an art form, a very very important art form.
As it goes, no one is ever truly considered an artist until they kick some ass. It's kind of like a right of passage. Norman Rockwell used to beat up people just for looking at him funny. He would even kick a kid's ass if the time of day were right. De Vinci was more of a barroom brawler. He liked to get pretty wasted before he kicked ass. Even the great Bob Ross was known to bust a head or two. All those happy little trees were part of an anger management program. That guy was fucking loco.
So, you see, ass kicking has absolutely everything to do with art.
Now don't bother me anymore with such stupid questions or I'll have to kick your ass...for free.
--Posted by Innovasian @ 8/19/03 7:19 PST.
The Professional Ass Licker was too drunk off wine coolers and forgot to mention that you can e-mail me or Licker (Liquor) with any questions you have regarding art and we shall do our best to bless you with our limitless art knowledge. Just click on the link in our contact info below, or if you’re a bunch of lazy fucks just copy and paste email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org. Don't be afraid to ask us anything, I'm pretty sure we'll have the answers to all your questions, so go ahead and just try to stump us you non-art knowing fucks.
--Posted by The Professional Ass Kicker @ 8/02/03 18:16 PST.
Hey there, everybody. Welcome to the Art section of Limitless Units. This is my buddy Innovasian.
See how Nova came to be the freak that you see before by clicking on the picture or the link below.
Around here we call him "Nova" or, "Hey you."
And I am the Professional Ass Kicker but you can just call me Kicker, it saves time.
Click on this link or the picture of me to see my exploits.
If you cannot see the video and hear only the audio, download the free DivX 5.0.5 Codec.
We're here to fill your belly with all sorts of artistic goodness.
This section will cover all things Art. Nothing more, nothing less. We'll talk about comic books, classical Art, Modern crap... all that good stuff.
Many people write to me and ask, "What makes you a 'Professional' ass kicker?" and "How can I become one?" And I tell them "Woah, slow down, buddy, one question at a time. Don't make me kick your ass." Then once I take a few breaths and drink a nice cold TAB, I explain to them that I get paid good money to kick people's asses and that this name is trade marked, so there can be only one. I'm kind of like the Highlander that way, or The One like Jet Li.
Hey, you know, if telling jokes was considered an Art, I would call Carrot Top the greatest Artist ever. He's an ass kicker. He would kick Leonardo DeVinci's ass, he'd even kick your ass. He could kick just about anybody's ass, even Nova's, but not mine.
Have you seen those 1-800-Collect commercials? Pure genius. "Dial down the center." Man, that cracks me up every time I hear it. How does he come up with that stuff? I dunno, some people just got it.
The Professional Ass Kicker